For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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