So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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