She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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