The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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