JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
