Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
