How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
