I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm always down for nudity.
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