the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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