im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
