Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
