thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
