Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
