my phone needs a breathalizer
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
