Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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