So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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