um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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