idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
