i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
