Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
