Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
