just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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