I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
His nipple licking is glorious
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