I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize