I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
