The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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