..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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