I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
