Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize