and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
