Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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