PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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