Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she peed on how many people?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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