I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
