were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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