Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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