so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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