WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
