Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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