i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
