He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
