The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
