I think my fart just growled at me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
