So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
