I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
