The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
