i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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