yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
