Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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