hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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