It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
