If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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