I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
