If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
