Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
