Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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