I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
