the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
