Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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