you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
