Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
