dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
