yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
