I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
