FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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