Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
