There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it because I queefed?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
