In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
40s are totally the cure
We're too hungover to prance.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
