dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
