i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
