I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
