What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize